Keeping up with the Dofitases
Communication is defined as “the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information through speech, signals, writing, or behavior” (www.painaction.com/painaction/Glossary.aspx). It plays a vital role in our relationships, especially between friends and family. Here is an analysis of how it happens at our home.
My father is a dictator. Being the strongest physically, he gets all authority. Include communicating inside the house at that. During mealtimes, he would occasionally rant about work and annoying neighbors. When we would try to blurt out stories about our day, however, expect to get a lecture on the allowable duration meal of eating. “Keep it until after dinner,” he would finally say. After all the dishes had been washed and the table cleaned, we would never get the chance to speak because everyone had gone on to their own businesses.
Our father treasures respect so much. Should he say anything, it is imperative that we just obey. No excuses. Trouble is at hand when we “talk back”. Talking back to him means speaking after him. The problem is that our concerns are never addressed. People only see from their perspective. He is no exception.
My mother is the mediator. She always comes between Papa and us kids. When she thinks that a side is right, she lets the other party know and understand. It gets irritating when she is defending her point. She will not stop talking until she convinced us all or something else caught her attention.
I do not open up to people – much more at home. Unfortunately, I do not trust my family anymore on dealing with my emotions. It just diminished through the years of them failing to react accordingly to my situation. There are even instances that they use my past issues against me, pushing me away from them. They always get mad at the tone of my voice. It sounds to them as if I were putting myself higher than them when I am just naturally aggressive. I never thought that I am any better than them. To prevent problems I just choose not to argue.
My siblings are close. I, at times, hear them talking about intimate stuff. I want to relate to them my experiences, but it is so hard. It seems so disrespectful of me to just enter the conversation, in turn plying into their lives when I have detached myself from them ever since childhood.
Generally, communication at home is chaotic. Papa never allows the free exchange of thoughts between the members of the family, especially with him. Misunderstanding is a common thing because this. Most of the time, our appearances do not invite open conversation. The mood of one person affects drastically the condition of communication at home as if it were not bad to start with. Never talk to an angry member lest you want a blank face as a reaction or worse, a fit of rage.
Nothing good could be said about the communication process among the members. But, I am praying that this will change soon. It is hard to live inside a house that is full of misunderstanding. Every relationship is built on good communication. As long as our communication stays this way, we will never be as tight a family we could be. Home is where you will always return. But, will you choose to go back when you are probably better off outside with other people who give the effort to empathize. This should change starting especially with me.
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